I wrote about how I wound up on the floor, crying, as the "little hater" tried to convince me to give up a workout. Well, visual evidence of this behavior exists.
That day I pushed myself up and kept going. I beat the voice that day...but since then I've had many failures. I stopped working out for close to three weeks. I tried to dodge some opportunities as a photographer. I spent more than one day in bed, with the covers pulled over my head, feeling like a complete failure.
Then a couple of weeks ago I started reading the War of Art and that book really breaks down the "little hater," or what the author calls "Resistance," and it gave me a renewed sense that this is absolutely a battle I need to fight and win - now.
So, a couple of days ago, I told Steve I was ready to get back to working out and yesterday we went to the gym. Once again he had me doing exercises that made me question my sanity in making the decision to work with a trainer.
But, even though the workout was just as hard as the one that left me on the floor in tears (harder in fact, because I'm dealing with a pulled hamstring), there was one difference - my attitude.
For a number of reasons, I made up my mind that no matter how I felt about the workout, I would not complain and I would not say that I couldn't do anything he asked me to do. No matter what he told me to do, I did. When I could, I even made myself put a smile on my face.
In return, Steve, decided that I needed some real verbal encouragement - both from him and myself. Periodically during the workout he would make me join him in cheering me on. "Who's awesome?" he would chant, "Who's the shit?, Who's gonna kick ass? Who can do this work out?" On and on he would go, and after each question I had to respond, "Julie!"
After a while, I realize that with him chanting questions and me answering with my name - I couldn't hear the little hater. There was just no room for that voice to get through to me. It tried. It tried to tell me I looked like a fool chanting my name in the middle of a gym filled with an afterwork crowd of people motivating themselves to work out.
I looked around at all the people who could do it on their own and decided that they must not be listening to any little voice telling them what they couldn't do. So I cheered myself a little louder and kept going.
And soon, my work out was almost over. I was on the treadmill, on an impossible incline I would never have attempted on my own, when Steve snapped this picture:
Maybe I would believe what it has to say...if I was listening.